Monday, 29 October 2012


Marriage (Photo credit: Lel4nd)
Marriage = Happiness.  That's it in a nutshell.  But is it really just that?  To the discerning eye, there are many more layers to this simple statement.

How do I know it is true love?  That prompted me to dig into my own experiences and come up with some ways dating couples may find helpful. 

After meeting the person whom you think is your one true love, there are some questions that a lot of couples don't ask  of each other mainly because:

1. They are so heady with love.  Love is such a strong emotion that  they actually feel an ache when their loved one are out of sight and are always in their mind.  They can think of nothing else except to spend every waking moment in their presence.

2.They look at getting marriage through rose tinted glasses. What they envision is the wedding day, the excitement,  white picket fences and  happy smiles all round.  

Love ? I love love love you.
Love ? I love love love you. (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Before getting engaged or married, ask each other these questions

1. Why do I love you? 

A very big and telling question. Can you remember the first time you met and are you able to verbalize the feelings you had at that moment?  Can you describe what it was that your partner had said or did to have totally captured your heart? 

I know of one guy whose answer was, "Because you are beautiful." Would you consider that as true love?

2. What do I love about you?  

The more answers you can give,  the better. Or at least name 5 attributes each that both possess which has attracted and brought both of you together in the first place. Be as specific as possible  This question will help you to come down from cloud nine and realistically reaffirm and really see if the type of person you are looking for is at your side. Physical attributes don't count.  

3. The money question?

Who should bear which living expenses?  Some couples will end up having arguments on this subject after they marry.  Money matters should be discussed and agreed on before saying 'I do" as it can cause disharmony in a marriage before it even has a chance to put root.

Examples are:
  • Daily expenses
  • Who will bear the cost of the children's education?
  • What about aging parents, Are they to live with us?
  • Buy or rent a home after marriage?

4. Where do I see us in the next 5 years?

  • Do you want to spend time together travelling or concentrate on own careers?
  • To buy a home, investments, insurance?
  • The right time to have children?
  • Have X amount of savings.

5. Children-how many or none?

This is something a couple should discuss and come to an agreement before marrying. Otherwise it may become an issue later on.

6. How long do you want to date before deciding to marry?

George Clooney
Cover of George Clooney

My uncle was dating his girlfriend for 10 years!   When they finally did get married, it lasted only 5 years and after having one child.

In the dating stage, it brings out the best in people.  Most people may not see the weaknesses that we all have and when they do see it,  whether they can accept the flaws without judging will have an effect on the relationship.

Perhaps that's why George Clooney dates different women every couple of years but never marries.

7. Career 

Does one partner stay home or continue working?  Resentment may arise from the partner who is asked to stop working and  if the other insist that they stop working.  It can be a sacrifice and it can test one's love.  If they believe strongly that it is for the best, it will work itself out.  Otherwise, this can also be an issue later on.

8. Can you give up certain lifestyles and be prepared to change once the kids come?

Kids will definitely change the dynamics for the couple. The bulk of their time is taken up to care for the baby.  They will find that there is hardly any time to do things together when they were a couple.

For no. 6, ideally, and I am not saying it works for every couple but to serve as a guide of sorts in dating.

  • Be friends for at least 1 year
  • Get to know one another on the 2nd year
  • Decide if you are meant for each other on the 3rd year. 

If you can't make a clear decision in 3 years time, it could mean that one of you may not be ready and you need to find out why.  Moreover, it is fair to the ladies as realistically,  time is a factor here especially if they want to raise a family.  

However,  if both of you are still in your teens, then it is best to wait until you are in your twenties, and holding a steady job.  Then decide if you are both serious about being committed to each other in marriage.

If either one cannot answer the above eight questions with honesty, they may have to rethink the relationship by focusing on areas that need to be ironed out or they are just not compatible.

Family Background

This is important.

Look at the potential partner's family background.  Meet up with the parents at the friendship stage. Are they a complete family, divorced, single parent,  and what are their family values?  

More often than not, children who come from a stable family environment are likely to be grounded when they are adults and value marriage because their parents and perhaps even grandparents have been solid examples for them.

Hopefully, and we must always have hope when it comes to the one true love,  my experiences can give you a better idea in finding your soul mate or partner for life.

One True Love
One True Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I quote from a chinese proverb which is loosely translated as " To choose a kitten, you first have to look at the mother cat" and it is always better a broken relationship/engagement than a failed marriage.

All the above ramblings are based on my experiences and to be taken with a pinch of salt as I do not claim to be an expert in the matters of the heart.

Thanks for taking the time tor read my blog.  Until my next post,   Here's To Your Health!

You may also like to read:


LOVE IS.....
Love should be a decision, 
Love should not be emotion, 
Love is a work in progress, 
Love is not to digress, 
Love can hurt sometimes, 
Love can strongly binds, 
Love resides in the heart, 
Love lives for the depart, 
Love can be blind, 
Love can be sublime, 
Love can be one chance, 
Love can be a dance, 
Love has no boundaries, 
Love has it's ambiguities, 
An endless love.
Lost love.
Unrequited love.
A new love.
A foolish love.
Pure love.
Deep love.
Undying love. 
Philo Yan

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